Broken Bruised Forgotten Sore

im shifting through the ashes

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 02:18:25 GMT

new lj im going to start using. add these:
>The_greatbelow
>minuteof_decay

and please add this community:

>Now_imNothing

its mine and peggys new community. we've decided its going to be mostly about NIN, queens of the stone age, marilyn manson, jeordie white, a perfect circle, dreseden dolls, vast, and tool but it can be anything about music. now i have to figure out how to get people to join it and make it all pimp like. DO IT NOW!

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 18:14:52 GMT

got tickets for nine inch nails at DTE. got lawn casue i didnt want to spend fifty bucks on seats. will be sweet....many people coming too.

i was real pissed this morning cause i thought i wasnt going but now all the shit i was going to vent is gone and im just happy.

last night....some poeple cant hold their alcohol and decide to steal my phone and prentend they're retarted and have a stuttering problem and start talking about how much they like this person and they watch em in the hallway.
got some pretty interesting video too. oh and calling up the chinese resturants and speaking in fake chinese asking for fried rice is pretty funny "me no speaka good engjish". then he decided to callup peggys sister and leave dirty messages on her cell. pretty fun night.

"hey this is candy i got your number off your profile. does it bother you that i used to be a man"

"hey is cindy there? what?! wrong number. aw fuck i did it again (calls the person another six times)"

"jessie, i love you. you love me to... know you do....STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!! THEY SAID YOU WERE DIFFERENT!!!!!"

phone books are fantastic

"cos it fuckin looked at me the WRONG FUCKIN WAY MAN..."

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:13:10 GMT

the internet makes me angry, stupid pissy people and their spell checker.

argh i hate school and having to work after coming back from a great weekend. hanged out with peggy and saw V for vendetta which was sweet "where the fuck did the disco ball come from!?" "ADD medication! i am god! (tom cruise movie trailer)", went to the mall and played "push you over the balcony game". ran up the down escalater and ran down the up escalater. it was very "trippy" hahaha, then spent the night at her house. saturday mommy bought a mini-lop bunny and its very cute. she got it from a rescue and there were all this little cats that me and peggy wanted to steal. mom keeps saying its mine cause it has black fur, no it doesnt work that way. sunday went up to annas house in butt fuck byron and had alot of fun in the middle of no where. played with my aunts hick neighbors and ran around playing ghost in the graveyard and smear the queer. then creepy hicks started to yell at us and we were afraid we'd get shot from their "30-30s" what the fuck is that?. i wanted to go down to the graveyard right next door to annas house and play ghost in the graveyard which would have been sweet but everyone was too chicken shit to. spent the night there and decided not to go to school. ahh i hate going to school everyone is either angry or uncaring and it makes me sad. my weekend was so cheerful now its back to the same old shit.

i did see a couple people who had bandanas on them today and i laughed a little bit. i want to give a boy a red one and make him wear it in his back pocket. i wonder if any guys would come up to him? hahahahaha. bandanas.

i just found this shit and it gave me giggles. i was going to update with a shit load of dresden dolls photos but i have to go to bed which is very very sad. just because i cant move in the morning doesnt mean i need to go to bed earlier i just hate school and dont want to get up.

HaloThirteen: Hi Jeordie! How's it going? What is your favorite NIN song that you like to play for a performance?
jeordie_white> I like playing" Were in this Together"

lunautilus: In the past, you've been quoted as saying that people should probably not hold you up as a hero because you've fucked up plenty. What do you think about the idea that you are a good role model because you've positively influenced thousands of people despite (maybe, sometimes) being a grumpy bastard? You must admit you have a bit of a knack for taking rather unpleasant emotions and turning them into something beautiful.
trent_reznor> Go fuck yourself.

marbear: Jeordie, if I was cheese would you spread me?
jeordie_white> What kind of cheese are we talking about here?im a big fan of rotten dairy products

Impure: Trent, are you happy with the spiral since you launched it?
trent_reznor> It brings me an immense amount of joy.

Annemarie: Aaron why did you throw the keyboard?
aaron_north> cos it fuckin looked at me the WRONG FUCKIN WAY MAN... that's the last time i experiment with psychedelic hallucenigenic drugs on a show day man.

spiral94: Trent -- Any more info from Interscope on the release of Closure?
trent_reznor> I keep bugging, they keep stalling. I don't know.

Dianna: Jeordie: Will you tell everyone whether or not that's actually your MySpace? And, no. I didn't message you.
jeordie_white> I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO MY SPACE BEFORE NOR WILL I EVER.WHOM EVER IS PRETENDING TO BE ME.GET A FUCKING LIFE

PlatinumOrgy: To Aaron North: Is it really true that you like it in the pooper from hunky muscle bound guys?
aaron_north> is that an offer?

hahahaha, josh freese is fucking hillarious

josh_freese> Don't be weird about it.
josh_freese> Everybody Remember! Don't be fucking weird about it!
rob_sheridan> That's it for the chat tonight everybody. There will be a complete transcript up on The Spiral soon.
josh_freese> E=mc hammer 2
rob_sheridan> That is, if Josh ever logs off.
josh_freese> never!
rob_sheridan> Josh. Time to go play drums.
josh_freese> I'm fucking staying here and don't be weird about it!
rob_sheridan> Okay, goodnight everyone.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 07:23:00 GMT

i have to go to bed now not because i want to or need to but because im being made to.

post tomorrow since i got the internet back on my laptop. i will post pictures of my new bunny!

long day

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!!

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 03:15:46 GMT

so my day has just been fucking made! AHHH nine inch nails summer tour tickets come on sale on april first for june at DTE. open air concert no more trapped pot smoke in the air thank god. it'll be the fourth time in less than a year seeing them live...ahhh im so excited lets hope i can get tickets now. and an alkaline trio concert coming up must buy tickets soon for that, but does anyone want to go? the tickets are only 15 bucks but then with the taxes and "convience charge" it'll come to 25 bucks. dammit, i dont know anyone who likes them. come one, who wants to make my day even better and say they'll come with me to royal oak music theater? ...its close by and it will be fun.

screw school tomorrow, going out to gus o'conners con mis padres and peggy too for an irish breakfast, it'll be fun.

hmmm, when your sad and lonely just think to yourself "what would jesus do?" and then you, um..............hmmm? nevermind that.

The sky is falling

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 03:42:19 GMT

My baby is so beautiful and new...ibanez gio:

see you can find fun things to do at the mall. This picture i call "Pink Car Crash":

theres so many interesting things to do there but i dont think the little kids liked us very much so peggy thought she'd give them candy.

my nine inch nails t-shirt persuaded my english teacher to want to listen to some of their music. that was the only interesting thing that happened today. pretty exciting, right?
i have a stolen poster from gus o'conners sitting in my basement now. pretty sweet, coire ran out of the place with it on like a cape. big guniness written across it and now it will be hung in our basement. im not coming to school on st. paddy's day, its my peoples holiday.

if you keep picking at the scabs you will never heal

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 01:32:39 GMT

AHHHHHHHHH (this is very dull). today skipped church cause my mom wasnt feeling well (oh thank god not another hour wasted) and drove over to romeo,brought back alot of childhood memories, ahh isnt that nice.
no fucking school tomorrow but i think i have to go to work with my mom, that will suck ass but i will steal some stuff to make up for it. maybe i'll try to get out of it.....

"its so satisfying, its like picking a scab"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6SBdyN7ans&search=trent%20reznor%20closure
ahh poor danny gets his shirt ripped off by crazy fans in the audience. it gave me a little giggle.

what the fuck did i tell you?

EVIL! stupid courtney love

fuck family picture time

my brain is full of syrup and im drowing

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 05:51:15 GMT

im fucking tired but i will stay up to have a chat with peggy

got my guitar today and it is fucking gorgeous. i love it and cant stop touching the pretty pretty guitar. ahh and its white and so unique looking and perfect for a girl. I love it! now must learn how to play

today unplugged the amps for the pride team thing (students against alchol and drug abuse)stupid music when i was trying to kick the wires and accidentally pulled the plugs out( it was fucking retarted, no more shitty music!!!! HAHAHAHA I STOP YOUR MUSIC NOW!

tomorrow have meghans confirmation to go to and sunday joeys birthday party. yea i get to spend so much time with my family that will be oodles of fun....ugh.

sleep now

"three doors to go through, I only want the one that leads to you"

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 04:12:44 GMT

sooo....my adreline is pumping and i have a fucking headache and muscle pains from it. my first fucking car accident...yea!!! well, technically it wasnt me driving but thats what i told the officer. some stupid bitch ran a red light when my dad was turning and my dad took a nice big chunk out of the back of her car. the whole right front of the front of the truck is dented in and the light is gone (thank god the car is a piece of shit). good thing i was in the fucking car or dad would be fucked right now cause hes driving on a "suspended" license. i didnt even have my fucking permit on me but i told the officer my name and said i left it at home. thank god he didnt ask dad for his license or anything but the cop was a dick (dad trying to explain the situation) "sir just stop, do you want your daughter to learn or not?". fucking pigs. this is why i need my licence, my permit expires soon when i turn eighteen. so the other lady got a ticket and was really pissed when she left, good you dumb bitch dont run red lights and nearly kill people. i love how i can just lie to the cop and act all upset "i really dont know what happened officer, i really dont (breathy voice) she just came out of no where" hahaha i laughed my ass off i acted so innocent. lying is a gift. my mom says im "a little angel" and shes so proud of me. hahaha proud of me for lying to a cop oh thats funny. i hate the popo, they're such assholes. oh and its funny how everything slows down like seeing the truck pull out and very slowly it slides towards the other car and then everything speeds up as right after you smash into the car. lifes funny like that.

need to get my guitar soon. i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it and i waaaaaaant it. my parents dont plan on going to southfield anytime soon though maybe now they will cause i saved my dad's ass. i havent got any school work done and i really dont plan on going to bed anytime soon.

[i feel: weird and kindof out of it]

"its not like you killed someone. its not like you drove a hateful spear into his side"

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 03:37:34 GMT

i havent done any work and i really dont give a fuck anymore...happy now? fucking school everyone seems so involved and i really couldnt give a fuck. now back to work on useless shit.

THE MOOSE EATING WALNUTS!!!!!

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 05:26:59 GMT

sooooo my stomach is going to eat my heart out and then i will die. someone is pounding in my head goddammit. AHHHHHHHHH. had to stop typing for a second to get over that.

yeah, um..i guess i will just continue to talk about myself because it is so damn interesting. last night me and brittany hung out, pretty fun got myself a bowie cd just cause i felt like it no good reason why. went over to jamies house and spent the night there. had to sleep in joey's bed and that kid kicked me and i woke up to him sniffing my hair and then eating it. crazy little demon child. he kept screaming "wake up!" in a little irish accent and then running up the hallway and then back again to yell at me and pull my eyelids open and ask me if i was awake. then went with coire to guitar center and he bought his new red hollow base ibanez lead guitar. its very very pretty, but later on i found the most beautiful guitar i've ever seen. white lead ibanez guitar, aww it is so pretty but somehow my four hundred bucks i had on me had dissapeared to eighty bucks. so now i've returned all my stuff that i bought and still have the receipts for and now i almost have enough for the guitar. AHHH I CANT WAIT TO BUY IT but i still suck at guitar but i will learn.

so i got this letter from some medical mentorship thing cause my concelor recommended me for this medical thing that you go to chicago for but its two grand so im not so sure about it. i asked her about doing the OU course on abnormal psychology cause i've already done psych.1 and 2 so if i want to carry on i can go do a college course. hmmm im kindof torn, i really love english, art, and music and thens there psychology which is cool but i have no clue what to do for college. i dont want to have to deal with others shit i already have enough problems of my own. my mom says to go for it but im still skeptic. rumi's older sister is on the 2004 list of a person nominated. it says that i've had "outstading acedemic activity" what a lie (i laughed) and they "look forward to one day calling me Dr. Reid" ahhahahah that doesnt ring right. i have to pick out my classes soon, got alot to think about

[i feel so: sick, stupid fucking stomach.....something is eating my stomach lining]

"see jack run jack run jack see jack see jack run run jack run!"

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 17:19:15 GMT

okay, im in school and finally something fantastic and exciting has happened today.

Alkaline Trio
Sunday, 4/23/06, 6:00PM EDT

Royal Oak Music Theatre
Royal Oak, MI, USA
General Admission $15.00

im very excited. they're not nine inch nails but hey this is one of my first favorite bands and the tickets are soo cheap. it was a good band to start being obsessive with and it lead me to even better music. i must go......HAHAHAH YOU CANT STOP ME!!!!

in school now surfing and doing things that i enjoy for a change. now im just going to agonize over wanting to buy nine inch nails things that i will not be able to get. sooo many pretty t-shirts i want but my mom says i cant have anymore of my "lesbian" t-shirts and i need to dress more like a girl. i really dont care anymore. why the fuck would i? ahhhh APRIL FOURTH NEW NINE INCH NAILS EVERDAY IS EXACTLY THE SAME HALO 21 comes out. i know i am an obsessive fan who will buy anything trent reznor makes. hey i want to hear the remixes of "only" and maybe they'll have some other cool stuff only sounds alot better when it's remixed like the one version they played on 89x.

i love the little skits we do in psychology class. "should i go to church or go hand-gliding?" "dont go to church no one will know" "yeah but He would know (points to ceiling)". stupid church i had to go to last night, me and coire just laughed our asses off and what coire said nearly made me piss my pants (no i lied not really but it was the laugh where you try to hold it in but it still comes out and you try to cover it up with a cough but its too late) "aw..fucking brian's coming" HAHAHa right when the priest was coming by (and his name is brian) class is almost over. fuck school.

So i was watching my little "marilyn manson fear of a santanic planet" dvd. they have little videos from when the band started up and they are playing in shitholes. its pretty funny especially when the orginal bassist before twiggy started talking about how he was kicked out and he didnt want "that twiggy guy" touching his stuff..um well maybe you shouldnt have gotten addicted to herion then or you would be rich and famous. AHH i want to watch it now!

manson: "it should be your "mother fucked a sausage" buts its "lizard" by sagon-kick. we'll let jeordie white accept it because he's the next best thing to matt kramer"
jeordie: "thank you very much"
manson: "does anyone want to smash it on the dance floor.....unless they're here to accept it? (long pause) I guess we're going to have to smash it on the dance floor.
*jeordie throws the skull trophy and runs away*
manson: "Aw look, you hit a girl, sorry. are you alright? I didnt mean to hit you...help is on the way"

im going to keep on with random shit because i have another class on the laptops and i really dont feel like doing my work. its a waste of time. lalalalala....AHHH I HATE SCHOOL!!!(i couldnt control myself).

"One of the new items at the merch tables on this tour is an 80-page, full color tour photo book.
The book was put together by Rob Sheridan, is all photos (no text), and goes for $25 at the show, though it will probably be available through merch.com after the tour, if you can't make it out to a show this time around." what?! i didnt see that. now i want it. yeah and "closure" coming back out soon or some german site says so on april 26th. im very excited now. yeah the day is almost over!!!

makes me want to give mankind a beating....

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 02:22:49 GMT

so i am bored and i copied and pasted bits and pieces from "bad habit" by the dresden dolls who are fucking fantastic if a bit dark at moments but who doesnt like dark depressing music....well, besides myself. im on their site reading all this personal information they've posted. god they are an awesome band, trent picks great bands to open for him well besides the "moving units" who werent that bad just the lead singer with his creepy extremely tight bands. hey peggy hugged the guitarist thats got to count for something. he was just wandering around the pit like a lost child who needed a hug for encouragement. song now...

"biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating...."

"Hey Man Nice Shot"
I wish I would’ve met you
Now it’s a little late
What you could’ve taught me
I could’ve saved some face
They think that your early ending
Was all wrong
For the most part they’re right
But look how they all got strong
That’s why I say hey man nice shot
What a good shot man
A man
Has gun
Hey man
Have fun
Nice shot
Now that the smokes gone
And the air is all clear
Those who were right there
Got a new kind of fear
You’d fight and you were right
But they were just to strong
They’d stick it in your face
And let you smell what they consider wrong
That’s why I say hey man nice, nice shot
What a good shot man
A man
Has gun
Hey man
Have fun
Nice shot
I wish I would’ve met you
I wish I would’ve met you
I’d say
Nice shot

so i was rooting around and found out that my dad does have a Filter cd hidden away so i've been listening to that for awhile. not the cd with the trent song on it but hey "shortbus" isnt that bad of a cd. right after i found it an advertizement came on with "hey man nice shot" and i got all excited because i knew who it was. i told my dad it was the old guitarist band from nine inch nails and he said its cool cause its nine inch nails related and i told him yeah it was, hey richard patrick has a pretty good band even though its not nine inch nails but aw well. soo thats the excitement for awhile and ohhh scheduling coming up im all happy with the aspect of new classes and the chance to get out of my now shitty ones. soon i will be a senior and be able to escape this shit hole.

fuck is he hot with his leather pants and his now now existant hair....i need to find a picture of him with his little black tamborine. that is now the hottest intrument ever!!! fuck i wish i had grabbed that when he threw it into the crowd at the concert.

some dresden doll pictures

who doesnt want that?

who said that guys in makeup arnt hot?

"My doctor says 'you've got one of the hardest ones to treat because it's not bipolar, it's not up and down, you're always just about a quart low in the mood department'," says Reznor.

im very bored.........

[i feel so: nostalgic]

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:36:00 GMT

im at peggy's doing FUN THINGS that you will never ever no about so fuck you!

so watching tv about "Bigfoot" and all the psychos that follow it around and spend their sad sad lives doing it. peggy and me made a trent reznor quiz, well more like peggy ask questions that only a creepy stalker like her and now me would know the answers too. so i think we'll just continue to further the creepy obsession we have with the all mighty T-DIDDY! fuck is he hot and seeing him and twiggy a couple feet away has not helped it. i dont think he'll be coming back to grand rapids though with all those damn skin headed hicks. who the fuck really throws a water bottle at his face in the middle of "hurt" one of the best songs he has ever made?! assholes, im still super pissed about it and missing those awesome songs. time to go and eat icecream

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 04:31:33 GMT

soo the concert was on monday and my fucking back still hurts like someone put a knife in it. this entry is really for myself but if you want to read it then go right ahead.

peggy picked me and coire up at twelve and her mom and dad drove us three hours up to grand rapids. then we waited in line, after peggys mom embarrassed her in front of the people in that line, for another three fucking hours and damn was it cold. we were the second group of people in the line but when they opened the doors everyone rushed it from the back so i guess waiting in line doesnt really matter then. the stadium was like a warehouse not nice compared to the joe. in the pit we were less than ten fucking feet to the stage and it was so cool. the opening band was pretty lame and the lead singer pants were so damn tight that you could see his balls it was so gross and he was all hagred looking. nobody moved the whole time the band was playing except to clap at the end and they barely did that. then holy shit when nine inch nails came out all the fucking people charged the damn stage. coire was crushed by this huge fatass guy and you could tell he was in pain. Nine inch nails opened with "mr. self destruct" and it was fucking fantastic except for the fact that i could enjoy cause i couldnt breath and i was so damn worried that coire was going to get crushed or get lost. some guys asked me if i need help and i got them to lift coire up and he crowd surfed his way out of the pit. peggy got pushed to the front of the crowd and me to the center where all the skin heads were moshing and crash dancing. i kept worrying that i would fall down and you know what i did three fucking times. i freaked out that i would get kicked in the head but some guys always grabbed up the fallen people. i stayed next to that mowhawk guy who got coire out of the crowd and he kept grabbing me when i fell down. i hung on to his damn shoulders for the first couple of songs but all i could do was worry about coire and i didnt want to have fun if he wasnt alright. i elbowed my way out of the pit back the way and fuck was it huge it took me forever to do it. i searched for coire and peggy but i stood in the back watching the guys that are my idols and being kindof pissed off that a couple minutes before i was a couple feet away from them. trent threw out his tamborine and it was the spot i used to be i should have gotten it! twiggy kept doing this little dance with his guitar and trent jumping up on this table thing during "closer" was so damn how especially trents tight leather pants. it was coold to see allesandro cortini playing guitar for mr.self destruct. after i got out of the pit the screen was lowered and everyone calmed down somewhat for the rest of the songs, damn i have bad luck. peggy found me later and was so damn happy cause she caught trents crushed up water bottle and she had found coire. we saw the guitarist from the opening band wandering the back of the pit peggy decided to give him a hug, he looked like a cute little pirate. then she pulled me back into the pit and i had fun singing "big come down" and screaming my lungs out to "suck" and holding up my lighter to "hurt" but when trent threw some sort of hissy fit in the middle of the song then knocked over his keyboard and left the stage that pissed me off. now i found out (from peggys lj) that some dick threw his lighter at trent and it hit him in the eye so i guess he had a reason to throw a fit like that. hes singing one of his most personal songs ever and you throw a lighter at him?! what the fuck?! nine inch nails was unbelievable live but i will never ever go to the deltaplex and grand rapids is a shit hole. all those fucking skin heads moshing and crash dancing the pit felt like a fucking game of tug-a-war. if your in the back or front its not bad but the middle get both sides of it and thats why i kept falling flat on my ass and how the fuck did both my bra straps get ripped off and lost? and coires shoe was lost when he was crowd surfing so his socks were black. i dont think i want to bring coire with me to the next concert casue i worry about him too much. i can take of myself in the pit but not watch coire all the time. my dad told me the pit is no place for a girl. thats so sexist i was scared cause i was worried about coire. i did love it tho when trent did his over the arm snarl thing. my parents keep telling me that trents a short little man who has a napolean complex and that his music is "sappy". thats the last time im a nice daughter and get them seat tickets. they just complain and say that i cant go into the pit again. i will just not with coire and i will kick some ass. im glad i wore my boots though cause the shoes are beaten up and the toes are dented in and these are my heavy duty ones. i got some nice bruises on my knees, ive never had a black bruise before and i hate the ones that dont surface for a couple of days till you go to kneel down and a couple on my upper tights. dont get me wrong i had a great time but it kindof sucks being freaked out and not getting to see something you've waited four months for, stupid hicks with their stupid moshing. thanks to peggy i had a good time. i think i might go to bed now my parents keep asking me what im typing and nosing around.

i hope my muscles loosen up soon and this damn cold lets up.

[i feel so: sore]

You took the angel away, I'll kill myself to make everbody pay"

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 05:22:16 GMT

my eyes keep unfocusing. NyQuil is very very bad and my legs feel like they weight nothing at all. stupid damn cold i have bad luck. i had a cold last concert and now i have one again at least i havent lost my voice but i feel like someone is punching me in the chest everytime i cough. im so fucking out of it right now but im still awake.

so this weekned has been pretty fucking awesome.

friday hanged out with brittany at borders (i know im a nerd who likes to hang out at borders and talk about vampire books. At least im not like those kids who were all cluster around the anime books and laughing and reading them to each other *creepy*)

saturday picked peggy up and we went to the mall, yeah we are so cool going to the mall and seeing all the "trendy" people hanging out there. what the fuck is up with all the little big baggy metallica goth kids hanging out there? you are trying to fucking hard to look badass! peggy and me ate the *drugs* which are know as candy hearts. "these are fucking gross and they taste like cleaning supplies""i know but i cant stop fucking eating them!" so peggy decided to go up to the biggest bitches you could possibly imagine (all covered in holister) and asked them to be her valentine and gave them a candy heart. of course the bitch wouldnt take it so peggy yelled "you broke my candy heart!!!" and then she decided to give them to little children when their parents were watching. the popo came and shined his magic flashlight at us to stop our terrible deads of peggy sitting on the big red stage "oh no, your going to shine your flashlight at us!". got myself a sweet tool and manson shirt cant decide which one to wear to the concert. went back to peggy's house and then went with her stoney friends to the movies in this guys huge truck. its so nice not to have to ride in a car with a parent or walk to places. date movie was pretty funny but the guys behind us were fucking hillarous, probably better than the movie. peggys friends were really nice and friendly, didnt feel uncomfortable or anything. i kept laughing and coughing up my lung, my stupid cold. 8 degrees out-fucking-side...it was cold cold cold. spent the night at her house and then woke up to my mom honking the horn cause i had to go to church.

had to listen to my mom give me a little "talk" about my black notebook. so supposably im very angry and weak and im a follower. it was a fucking artistic expression. big fucking deal i took a picture of the cross upside and wrote a poem. it was about how everys perçeption is so fucked up. of course she didnt understand that and she blamed other people for having a negative influence on me. im not allowed to hang out with the people that have "problems" for a short while till i realize how "wrong" i was. im "anti-religion" and i seem to hate everything. my mom doesnt realize that these so called destructive people are the ones who are helping me the most. im not sopose to help others and should put myself first. i really dont give a fuck about myself. if someone was drowning i would save them and not be all concerned about endagering my life. why not die for something beautiful? then my family went to sit by jamie in church and there was no room for me so i had to stand up outside the crying room. i felt like crying right there cause my mom was making a point of saying that im not "part of the family". after church she cooled off a bit and started talking to me. jamie said my mom said i was a "sinner" but he said it in a joking manner but it still burned me a little bit. my mom had the fucking nerve to ask me if i was a lezbian, which i told i wasnt, but why should that be a big deal? fucking hipocrite (and im not a lesbian to keep that clear). nana, meghan, liam, and teresa came down, had breakfast, went to costco for three hours, and now were hanging out. everyones asleep now and i have nothing to do. i can hear my mom talking about me downstairs i hate it when she does that.

AHHHHHH! coire found a box of condoms in jamies bathroom! ahhhhhh!!!!! thats fucking sick. i am scarred for life now. my dad came up and was drunk and was telling me that trent reznor is like Moiou and then he pointed to jeordie was like "see he looks just like him!" and i told him thats not trent reznor. then he points to allesandro cortini and stared saying "theres trent reznor who looks like moiou!" and i told him that hes drunk and an ass when he is and then threw stuff at him. when the fuck are they going to leave jamies house!!!! i have to get up for the fucking concert tomorrow and i feel like shit. at least i got the chip for my camera and it will hold five hundred pics for the concert.

got to go now. teresa, meghan, and laim are coming back to my house even though theyre already asleep. peggy call me about when you want to leave for grand rapids!

"i went to my girlfriend, hey look im just like you!"

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 02:49:45 GMT

you're made of my rib,oh baby
you're made of my sin
and i cant tell where your lust ends and where your love begins
i didn't want to hurt you baby
i didn't want to hurt you
i didn't want to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry
and the moon gives me permission and i enter through her eyes
she's losing her virginity and all her will to compromise
i didn't want to hurt you baby
i didn't want to hurt you
i didn't want to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry
i didn't want to fuck you baby
i didn't want to fuck you
i didn't want to fuck you but you're pretty when you're mine
i didn't really love you baby
i didn't really love you
i didn't really love you but i'm pretty when i lie
you hurt me baby
i hurt you baby
if you knew how much i love you, you would run away
but when i treat you bad it always makes you want to stay
i didn't want to hurt you baby
i didn't want to hurt you baby
how can you do this to me now?

i should probably be doing my homework but i just cant be motivated at all.

fuck i cant get a stupid AFI song out my fucking head

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 03:03:33 GMT

im being made to update so here goes you bitches...

so for the three fucking hours i was talking to peggy via aim i was also looking at google. i look at every picture under trent reznor so i have alot of new gorgeous picutures and since someone wants me to post here goes. im jsut getting ready for the concert thats all...

Trents chipmunk cheeks!

Bloody sleeve

FIVE MORE FUCKING DAYYYSSS AHHHHH!!!!!!!

[i feel so: excited FIVE MORE DAYS BITCHES!!!]

THE CONCERT!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 03:04:43 GMT

AHHHH I CANT WAITTT!!!!!!!

(peggy im going to kneecap you soon (i will have the IRA shoot out your kneecaps!) dont forget to have my money ready on monday...not to sound like a bitch but my mom keeps annoying me about it. THE CONCERT AHHHH)

the razors and the dying roses plead i don't leave you alone

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 02:33:49 GMT

so i took a two hour nap today in my comfy black chair and woke up with my contacts glued to my eyeballs. besides from that it was a good nap. i know, i have such exciting days but i dont think its good when i almost pass out today while taking a math test. well not really pass out just fall asleep and stay there all hour doing nothing (which i didnt do of course but that would have been nice. midday naps are always conforting). i got everything hard out of the way so the rest of the week is just a blow off. i really dont like to spend four fucking hours on a project but thats probably why i felt like i was going passed out. you'd think if a person took five valerians, which is the natural form of valium, they'd fall asleep when they went to bed but did i? noooo, i spent another hour up trying to fall asleep last night.
fucking insomnia and my fucking brain that never shuts the hell up. i'll take ten valerian and see what happens and maybe some cough syrup too to wash it down.

im addicted to the cds that i stole from peggy. AHHH there so good. "touched" and "here" make my skin crawl (it feels like my scalp is being pulled back i dont know if anyone else gets that when they're listening to music. its probably just me cause im weird). so here are some pictures.

jon crosby:

Getting ready for the concert

small concert (ours is going to be huge! ahh i cant wait!)

robin fink

Jeordie white!

he looks like a monkey

so hot

that shirt is driving me crazy!! I want to touch it!

the sin music video is making me laugh my ass off. the gay men hahaha. its kindof creepy but is still fucking hillarous.

дЭвАчка -истерика <-----kyra what does that mean?

"And really, maybe the most remarkable aspect of that night's show was how Nine Inch Nails, a group famed for their articulate expressions of angst and loneliness that could leave a full house wandering out into the rain smiling as though they had just seen a show to be remember always."

SIX MORE DAYYSSSSS!!!!!!

www.rockpublication.com/ nineinchnails.htm

[i feel so: anxious, i cant wait for the fucking concert!]

"Chuck Norris invented the C-section when he roundhouse kicked his way into the world."

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 23:27:35 GMT

so this weekend was pretty sweet. im now 17 today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

friday was my party. everyone was about three hours late though but it was still fun. played DDR (like omg ddr party!!! i suck at it but its kindof fun to kill time and make an ass of myself). eat alot food and now theres a shitload left up in the fridge...cold pizza for lunch for a couple of weeks. watched the exorcism of emily rose, that movie is funny as fuck especially when everyone screams at the same time but me and peggy just sat there laughing our asses off. "shes getting raped by the devil...hahahahah". the big projector made it creepy and when everyone left and me and peggy where just watching it we kindof got freeked out and made coire come down and turn on some lights. saturday walked down to sears with peggy and it was so damn cold and my legs went numb but thanks to the sweet scarf kyra got me my throat was toasty. im going to wear it like a burka from now cause its soft on my face and its sweet looking. went to borders and killed time and then went to the BK lounge. peggy sort of freaked out some girls who were sitting close to us telling them that i beat her and why wont they helped her. then she started to choke and yell at them "im choking! why arnt you helping me!?" then i threw shit at her told her no more drugs for her and we had to run out of there while the girls stared at us. spent the rest of the time at her house watching movies on t-diddy and twiggy on cribs with his midget that lives in his house as his "spirtual advisor". "SOMETHINGS GONNA GET BROKEN!!!" i have to search for rare NIN albums now and damn do i want "now im nothing" thats an awesome song but its never been recorded. the concerts should be open by it again instead of pinion. EIGHT MORE DAYS TILL THE CONCERT MOTHERFUCKERSSSS!!!!!! i cant wait it will kick ass.

so i dont have powerpoint and even if i did i probably wouldnt do this spanish project so im going to spend my bday doing something fun for a change and not watch the depressing omagh bombing movie my parents are watching now. it makes me upset cause i was in that town a couple of hours before the bombs went off and it kindof makes me think. im going to finish my new favorite book that brittany got me. the damn candy hearts have burnt my tongue but they are my favorite those evil candies that make me sick. they will give me cancer.

Candy hearts will be a tour necessity. All seperated into differnt colors into different bowls all saying "rock star". yeah peggy that will be a must.

so go to this site and see my cousins either fake or real band:http://www.piczo.com/ThePeterFiles?g=2540600&cr=4

um yeah i really cant wait for this (and to be that close)

im agonizing over this and i know i cant wait till next week monday and the three hour drive to grand rapids and the three hour wait in line and the three hour concert that i CAN NOT wait for! AHHH I CANT WAIT A WEEK!!!

[i feel so: lethargic, t-diddy's green jeacket! but im not planning on doing my project any time soon]

new screen name: T DiddyNIN

"fuck in the fire and we'll spread all the ashes around"

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 04:03:59 GMT

bedtime but i have some pictures i feel like posting....i dont like school anymore so i dont feel like doing homework anymore or any work. i've just been playing on these sites where they're girls who are obsessed with the "manson-twiggy" making out...very interesting and of course posting in nin fan sites. very exciting. im going to look for the pic of twiggy in the shower shaving its so fucking funny but perverted. birthday party tomorrow....

ahhh twiggy and manson making out at mtv awards!!!

fuck is twiggy hot....he has such pretty makeup

and im going to throw this in cause i just love it

[i feel so: cold]

"i am a big boy and i will swallow it all!"

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 03:10:02 GMT

i really should stop stealing, maybe i have a disease but its just so easy. YEA! now i can get pills.

so the college thing with our concelors was awhile ago and i've realized that im fucked completly up the ass. how the fuck does anyone get into college!? i didnt think i had that bad of a GPA (its a b-) cause well, i do shit on most exams and well i hate school and work but it wont get me into any fucking colleges. how do all the dumbasses get into school? i cant even go to a fucking art college even though i havent done any art but a fucking 3.2 for an art college and a portfolio. what the fuck?! but i can still get into rochester christian college but its creepy and cultish so um no. well i dont even know what i want to do and i feel like times running out. coire said i should be a journalist for some music magazine, which would be unbelievably cool and maybe a dream come true, but i've never taken journalism or in the school newspaper.anything involved with music would be great but i have no clue what to do and of course have no talent. my cousin was going to be a sound board tech. for studios and things like that but i dont know what you have to be good at to do that.(im so completly lost with the whole "future decision making" and im just trying to express how freaked out i feel right now). maybe graphic design thats combines alot of english and art but i dont know i really love music so much that anything even around it would be perfect. next year im taking all art, english, and maybe graphic design classes and fuck everything else. im sick of school.

im pissed off cause jamie just told me that my irish cousins, who i thought were cool, called me a "little gothic girl" cause andy was telling them about me and how i wear black and paint my nails black and listen to "gothic music". i knew those little fuckers would stab me in the back. fuck them they are not staying at my house those fucking paddies.

i have given up on school and dont give a fuck about homework. fuck, i need a pick-me-up.

THE CONCERT IS COMING!!!! (i need to buy a memory chip for my camera so i can take many pictures of the bald-headed man and twiggems!)

[i feel so: scared..im becoming someone i never wanted to be and i cant stop myself]

some straight jacket fun

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 02:46:18 GMT

im bored so this is the girly quiz i stole off peggy

AND the girly Quiz....

Girly survey!! In the title put x% (w.e ur score is!) girly! For every x you make its worth one point! Go ahead!

[x] my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted (yea but there black so i dont no if that counts)
[x] during the summer pretty much the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] the only reason i go to school is for the boys!! duhh!
[x]my favorite toy as a child were barbies and dolls
[ ] my favorite color is pink or purple
[ ]when i was young i danced ballet - or when i got older
[ ] i looove skirts!
[ ] hollister is my favorite place to shop
[ ] tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear
[ ]i loove chocolate <33
[X]i've never had a real job
[x] my hair is straightened or scrunched and worn down like every day
[x] i am on AIM or yahoo messanger atleast 5 hours a day
[ ]i have atleast 8 myspace pictures
[ ]see my background? its the hundreth one!
[ ]i usually go shopping once a week
[x]i love to hang out at the mall with friends
[x]i have a real diamond ring
[ ] i've had at least 10 boyfriends
[x]i've gone to a tanning salon
[ ]i go to the beach to tan - not to swim
[x]i have atleast 10 pairs of shoes - not including flip flops
[ ]i watch either the OC or Laguna Beach religiously
[ ]i flirt.
[ ]i change my icon weekly
[ ] i would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic
[x] my cell phone might as well become a part of me
[x] i wear eye liner, mascara, or cover up everyday
[x] i've been or am on a diet
[ ] bathing suits are adorable! and that's why i have 3 of them!
[ ] i dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat
[ ] big sunglasses are hott
[x] i have gotten my nails done
[ ] i own over 10 purses
[ ] MTV is my favorite channel
[ ] all i want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys, boys and more boys! (no maybe when i was twelve)
[x] i love to have other girls do my hair and make-up (hey its fun to make other people look like hookers)
[x] i dont understand how people can like Fall Out Boy, From First to Last, and all of those other crazy bands! (i want to kill those shitty bands)
[ ] i love to give and recieve hugs(i dont like to be touched especially when i dont see you run up at me in the hall "ahh personsal space!")
[x] i hate bugs
[x] carnivals are very fun
[ ]summer is THE best season (fall is bitches,halloween!)
[x] i am self - concious
[ ] i cry often (no im dead inside)
[x] i dont do sports
[ ]i HATE to run (ding dong ditching)
[x]i squeal when i am suprised or angry
[x] i dance allll the time (when im alone listening to NIN but thats just throwing myself around)
[x] i usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house
[ ] i only have like 5 billion hair products
[ ] preps are the best guys (no guys in leather dresses/pants are)
[x] i love dresses and to get dressed up (for special occasions)
[ ] every part of my outfit needs to match
[ ] i talk on the phone atleast once a day to my friends
[ ] i would love to have a photo shoot of myself
[ ] one of my myspace pictures is of me making a kissy face
[ ] price on clothes hardly matters
[ ] i apply lip gloss 200 times a day
[ ] i wish i was a model
[ ] i wish i could meet Paris Hilton (um no)
[x]i have been something that was semi slutty on halloween
[ ]i own Uggs (AHH NOOO)
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music
[ ] i pop my collar
[ ]like to be the center of attention
[X] guys with mohawks are crazy (even if they do look like creepy rapists)
[x]horses are beautiful, and fun to ride
[x]i'd rather not pay attention in school - i'd rather talk
[ ]i've gotten detention for talking (no just moved to front of the class or given a desk by myself)
[x] cats are adorable
[X] tall dark and handsome are the only guys i look for
[ ] Old Navy is like a K-mart
[X] i write poems or my own music
[x]i love it when a guy wears good smelling cologne
[x] i can get very jealous
[ ] i would love to visit Hawaii
[ ] Valentines day is so cute! and its definately not just a way to make money!
[ ] white is better than black
[ ] i wouldn't be caught dead in all black
[x] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes (that i never wear)
[ ]i hate the grunge look of a beard - must be clean cut
[ ] i love to read gossip magazines
[ ] i love to gossip!
[ ] i kiss and tell
[x] old ladies are adorable
[ ] i LOVE kids
[ ] i'm all about being vegitarian
[X] i refuse to eat at McDonalds
[x] i check my myspace everyday
[ ] i LOVE life!
[x] i have a lot of jewlery!
[x] claires has cheap jewlery!
[x]my screen names have x's in them
[ ] either one of my myspace names has <3's in them
[ ] i would never want to be a guy!

You're done! now count up your x's and put that as your title as --% girly!!

the first to speak is the first to lie

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 23:55:33 GMT

so coires recording stuff and playing it backwards and at highspeed, "in the name of lucifer spread the blood of the innocent" it sounds like a little german boy talking about sausages or the stuff german people talk about. damnit i have to do that blood drive thing now and i was getting used to doing nothing since i didnt have to go to shitty school today.

hmm, underage girls

"seductivly whisper allasandro cortini!"

and i lost the picture of arron north in the chiken suit damnit.

wait now im not going to the blood drive but babysitting jamies evil kids so i will get to be on highspeed and watch more videos on t-diddy and become even more obsessed. 14 MORE DAYS TILL THE CONCERT!!